Now that the great John Cooper Clarke is on the GCSE syllabus (in his own words – that’s what happens when hippies run the education system), is it not time he became a fully paid up member of the establishment by doing some sessions on a P&O cruise.  Having spent two weeks in an entertainment time-warp, a return to classical poetry readings would be entirely consistent with Carnival’s strategy.  I wouldn’t care where the ship is going, I would be on board.

Then we could head for the Seascreen for a showing of Control – the glorious Joy Division and Ian Curtis, Macclesfield’s finest.  There is even a cameo appearance by JCC.  A perfect night’s entertainment – sod the dance routines!